Imagine Me

She dances like a pro. every move so perfectly captivating and precise, without missing a beat.

Her words are like art etched on to a easel, each word connecting to one another. The words brightly vivid, brought to life with each expressive word.

When she speaks, her voice is commanding, presenting strength in each ‘a’ ‘e’ ‘i’  ‘o’ ‘u’.

Her presence is unable to be missed or forgotten.

She lives without regrets and allows past circumstances to remain in the past, understanding that each mistake is a lesson and not a life-ending mishap.

She admits her wrongs and is control of her emotions.

Her dreams are alive, and undying.  Not lying within her conscious,  tragically awaiting their fatal dis    they become a reality and manifest into her truths.

She is not anxious of the future, instead she is readily prepared to grasp the new challenges and successes thrown in her path.

She is remarkable.

She is unimaginable.

She is here.

She is real.

She is present.

She is who I imagine myself to be. She is the imaginary perception of my imagination I plan to revive from the depth of my past.

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Imaginary

Yearning to discover my purpose in life

I Look to the future, endlessly hoping and praying the current state I reside in is only temporary. The hopes and dreams I once undoubtedly believed in are now ridiculed with pessimism, fear of rejection, thoughts of failure. I feel myself existing, but existing without an identified purpose.

Am I really here?

On this earth? In my body?

In my mind?

Or Am I here just renting this fleshly space?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Adrift

Will I…

Will the thought of me descend from your mind slowly disspating into a faded, distant memory?

Will the eyes that once gazed at me in adoration, alter its direction and no longer view me in the same light?

Will the words of a hopeful mended friendship transition into a long forgotten  meaningless statement which barely holds any evidence of truth?

Will the taste of my lips, scent of my skin and my caresses become replaceable and retraceable by another?

Will  your feelings of love, descend from me as effortlessly as white sand slipping through bare toes?

I ask these questions, not quite seeking immediate answers; Only hoping that my memory remains etched into the deepest parts of your conscience where only significant recollections eternally reside.

-S.Yolee.

via Daily Prompt: Descend

http://www.teenvogue.com/story/solange-knowles-letter-to-teenage-self-cover-story-music-issue

Maybe this is something all of our young teenage selves should do (In my case, I should’ve done this years ago) to provide words of inspiration and encouragement when we reach our darkest hours in life. It’s something pure to revert back to even in our many stages of adulthood. life isn’t always fun and easy, but it’s something beautiful.  Rather than relying on and spending frivolously on self-help books this letter should be our personal guide , to remind us of how much we’ve all grown or changed in particular ways.

We get so caught up in our own daily lives and strives, often times forgetting to count our blessings. Now let’s be honest with ourselves, the future doesn’t always turn out the way we want or expect it to. Numerous things change and unexpected events arise in our lives, completely shifting our plans causing us to detour off the tracks. Whether those detours are short-lived or long-term what matters the most is the steps we take thereafter.

Im not a life-coach or motivational speaker and I know I probably sound like one. I just often find myself getting into daily slumps and cursing the day, just wishing it would be over.

Whatever current stage or age you are at write an open letter to yourself, completely exposing yourself in every way possible, expressing your vulnerability. (Yes,I’ll write one too and post it)

I’ll get started on my letter ASAP & please who ever else reads this post, I hope you’ll be able to participate in this Open letter prompt as well. I’d also like to read them if you feel like sharing!

-S.Yolee.

Attention Natural hair Novices and Skeptics, Please Read!

Clarke Sanders1. Extensions don’t mean that I don’t love my natural hair or myself. The first time that I was faced with this perspective was in Missouri when a girl asked me if I did not like myself since she rarely got to see my “real” hair. I will admit, I was caught off guard.…

via 10 Things Your African American Friends Wish You Understood About Their Hair — Thought Catalog

According to America, not all are created equally 

I woke up this morning with a prayer in my heart and rapid thoughts running through my mind
My black People this oppressive society was not made for us
This society was not made to love us

No matter how good we do and who we strive to be, we are always perceived as the public’s enemy.

I fear for my brothers; they go to work everyday, pay their bills on time, pay their taxes and strive to be better each day

But of course when you’re black the world doesn’t see all the good you do, 

When you’re black only negativity and racial stigmas surround you.

When you’re black that’s all people see 

Your skin complexion and not the person you are or strive to be

Truthfully I’m tired and afraid

I fear one day I’ll become yet another helpless and unprotected victim to this mass racial genocide. 

They want us to hide! 

But we won’t 

Black people, my beautiful people.

 We are divided within our own and they see that. They know that no matter how much of us they kill, they won’t get convicted, instead they’ll walk off free. Walk freely as if no harm was done and a human being whose life was valuable became invaluable in a split second. 

They’re killing us based on centuries of normalization to brutalize, terrorize and assassinate “negroes” & “niggers”.

They’ve made a career out of hunting us down and terminating us like innocent, helpless prey. 

Yet, we’re the savages!

I’m so tired of this! I’m scared! I don’t want to live in fear, but just like Eric Garner, Emmett till, trayvon Martin, not one of my fellow black ppl knew their end was near! 

We need help! This is a cry for justice! 

We’re not equal.

My black people don’t believe their lies and hypocrisy 

Please don’t allow them to make Alton Sterling yet another police brutality  account.

 We deserve change

we deserve justice. 

These persecutors need to be punished

I don’t know who else to go to or where to complain. Our voices, our protests, and our poetry are only heard in vain

No one takes us seriously 

No one wants to  feel our pain. 

No Best Friend Zone

Smiling faces, tight hugs and passionately written captions, hashtagged #Bestie #BestBitch #BFF are just daily reminders of where I fall short in life, a best friend.

I’ve never been a certified loner or the extremely introverted weird kid that creepily sits in the back of the class room friendless. while growing up I always welcomed people and established long-lasting friendships. I was basically a friendship connoisseur.

Now, at the height of my 20s, inching towards my mid 20s. I find my self desperately yearning to hold on to friendships, reconnect/mend old friendships that faded for a number of varying reasons (relocation, disconnection, boy drama or disinterest). I look back at my life thinking, I’ve never had to fight this hard just to maintain or establish any friendships. Then again, “things change, people change, feelings change too” (Haha! Thanks for the line Drake-gotta love that guy). I just seem to take things a little harder now, rather than accepting the changes for what they are.

So, yes! I’m one of the very few people in their 20s who lack a ROD, bestie, best fran-yea, yea all that good stuff. I have people I can definitely call on and vice versa, but even those sed close friends have their own set of best friends. Therefore, I’m left at square one. What if in any event the age old hypothetical question which always seems to trip people up and even ruin friendships comes up: If one of us was drowning who would you save first, me or Yolanda? Now the pressure to choose somebody is on and you know you better make the right choice! I hate ultimatums and this one, no matter how petty and immature it may seem usually provides the purest revelation of how that particular “friend” actually feels about you. I can’t really recall a moment where that actually happened, but I can only imagine what it would feel like to be in that situation. Ultimatums, Especially with friends can either make or break friendships.

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“It doesn’t even matter”

It doesn’t matter how good your sex is

It doesn’t matter how strong your head game is

It doesn’t matter when and how much you say you love him and text/call to prove how much you care

Once a man’s interest in you has faded, he’ll be moving on to the next one and you’re left stuck in a place of confusion

You’re left paralyzed by his words, promises and vivid memories replaying in your head, the memories of the good, honeymoon phase. Memories of arguments that were mended by sexual attraction and mutual understanding

You mourn for those days like you mourn for a close relative you’ll never have the chance to see again. 

In my moments that I think of you. I miss every part of you. 

I didn’t think it would hurt this bad, neither was I prepared for the sharp intensity of your words and actions.

Now, I see even my most recent actions don’t phase you. Your mind is set and your heart is fixed, your eyes are looking in a new direction. 

I can’t interfere or alter any of that, so now I’m aware of my state and I have to completely fall back. 

Bitch, sit down. Be selfish!

1. Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others. (Dictionary.com)

Dear reader,

I’m not trying to offend anyone by citing the dictionary.com definition of selfish. I’m sure you offhand know  what it means or at best are knowledgeable enough to describe it. I just thought for my own sake I’d search for a proper, well worded definition of the famous word. I can’t even lie, I smirked a little after reading the definition and thought to myself, “Yea, this isn’t me.”   

Be selfish: this word and phrase seems to be the recurrent themed advice of my 20s. Almost any adult I’ve confided in so far about the events in my life has repeatedly been advising me to be selfish. But how does one become selfish or learn to master such trait after living a life of generosity?  For most of my life, since I’ve grown to know myself; based on the reminiscent memories my dad shares and my own recollections of childhood, I’ve always shared with others. Barely even thought twice to do it. Yet now, it seems like my days of generosity are catching up to me and left me with the inability to be selfish.  So tell me, how do I acquire this trait, where do I start? Do I need lessons on it? My whole life I’ve always been told it’s important to share, God will reward you for it and people will appreciate your good deeds. I’m neither intending to harp nor am I expecting a personal gold medal or a plaque engraved: Lifetime achievement award of generosity. I’m currently at a cross road now in my life where I need to solely focus on me and my well being without feeling like I need external approval. Also, I’d greatly appreciate if I can happily do things for myself with guilt swooping in ready to kidnap my joy. 

I. Need. To. Be. Selfish 

& in these particular areas of my life to be exact: With my time

My love (Sexual and emotional)

My money 

My ideas 

My talent 

My advice- some ppl are like brick walls, no matter how much you give eventually you’ll see it’s a waste of your time

My style 

My intellectuality 

I’m not sure where to start in this journey of uncovering the myth of ” How to be Selfish. I know THREE places I need to start for sure are time, money and love. 

Love- I have to learn to love myself entirely before I can accept love from someone else.  Having the ability to love myself wholeheartedly  whether or not that person (or people) are in my life. Accepting myself on bad days and still seeing the beautiful  QUEEN in me. Also accepting myself on good days leaving no room for pessimism and negativity to heavily downpour on my sunny days.

 Money- learning to say a firm NO to puppy dog eyes and pleas for financial assistance. Especially since my ass is just as much in need of a little financial boost.  This only deprives me in the long run. 

And finally time- be selfish with my time and stop responding to fuck boys without real agendas, purpose or status of my role in their lives.  I have some changes and adjustments to make. Selfishness, here I come. I hope I take my dosages of selfishness in healthy generous moderation before I abuse it. I wish myself the best. See there’s a start!