For so long I’ve feared doing what l love the most. Simply for the fact that I was afraid and I still am afraid no one will support me. I fear the thought of starting something new and lacking a supportive foundation for my endeavors. I commend those for their bravery by just going out and seizing their opportunity without exception of immediate success. I watch some of my closest friends and acquaintances or people I know from my a respectful distance, live by the Carpe diem motto. Each day I wake up and I see another person fearlessly challenging their self and their opposers by succeeding in their endeavors. As I sit back at home just aimlessly scrolling, reading their captions their comments, I can’t help but to wonder, “when will it be my turn?” I hate to admit that a part of me feels envy. Not envious of their success or watching their dreams unfold. Envy in the sense of how did they find the courage or time to dedicate to pursuing their craft. Fashion, entertainment, acting, corporate, modeling entrepreneurs.
When did their desire to thrive transition from a phrase of,
I hope to… I wish to… I want to…
I will…I plan to… I am…
Meanwhile my life seems to be at a stagnant halt encompassed with a list of disappointments.
To my fellow friends who read this, I ask for you to please not interpret my expression as an envious confession but as a revelation of admiration by a close bystander. I was once told by a woman of great intellect and wisdom beyond her years, that God’s timing is not your timing. Therefore we shouldn’t be hasty or anxious. God hears all of our prayers, once you bring your prayer to him, Let go and trust in him. Have faith in his timing. Yet, this was and still is my main issue. I repeatedly pray to God, addressing the same issues unable to let go of my unhappiness. I was dwelling on my dissatisfaction without appreciating the infinite good I obtain. I wasn’t making a way for myself or giving myself time to be happy. I just complained. I know that God hears me, Eventhough I may not know when he’ll answer, my prayer will inevitably be answered when he sees fit. My time will come. For now I’ll treat these cloudy days as lessons In humility and patience. There’s no way I can or will become great woman in one day.
Friends continue to strive. Family continue to strive. I will cheer you on from the side line.
I wish all of you success in your endeavors.
Your Admiring friend