What’s the rush?

It’s been 4 months since I’ve officially returned home to the Bronx. As I spend countless days and nights updating my resumes; editing cover letters and refreshing my email only to face constant rejections. Life on a whole, meaning outside of my own personally developed bubble is passing me by. And now, looking 4/5 months ahead into the soon-to-be-here future, I’ll be approaching my quarter century of existence on earth. If you’ve asked the old Yolee where do you envision yourself at 24? I definitely wouldn’t have told you living at home with my mom as a dependent leech ,unemployed, and unmotivated.

After accompanying my dad to his eye surgery appointment, he brought to light the areas of my life a woman at my age is significantly lacking- a drivers license and career.

Here it is, I thought I live in NYC I don’t really need to drive, honestly after being a passenger-side driver and backseat driver I’m terrified to drive here. Now as  the inevitability of aging is becoming more apparent In my Dad’s physicality and health his urge for me obtaining my license is growing more impatient. Don’t get me wrong, I agree 100%, I just somehow kept failing the driving exam, 3 times to be exact. So much for three times a charm, huh? In my case, maybe it’ll be the 4th times a charm. I guess in a way you can say I accepted defeat, rather than dusting myself off and trying again (Aaliyah).

On one side of the spectrum, I’m advised this is New York City, you don’t need to drive. In opposition to that, I hear you’re 20-something and you don’t have your license, I’ve been driving since I was blah blah blah..

Well thanks assholes. I’m sorry my life is moving too slow for you. In the face of it all, I ask myself, what’s the rush? Apparently there ‘s a rush to get things done when you’re at a certain age, there’s a level of expectancy of where you should be in life and the things you should acquire by that point. Hence a driver’s license and a car.

On to another point in my current life where I seem to be struggling…still striving sounds better.

At the hospital  the nurse who apparently mistook me for a high school student made a comment about me not being in school. I didn’t perceive his statement as rude or offensive.  Matter a fact, I’ve actually grown accustomed to people making assumptions about my age. It either means I look younger than I am or it’s time for these damn braces to go. Yes, I’m 24 with braces-long story-but if you ket up with my blog posts, you’ll know why I’m the 24-year-old brace face. 

I simply replied with my usual response, “I’m finished with school”

“You’re done with school?”

“Yes, I graduated from college last year.”

He paused after my response, I guess he was either attempting to process the information given or he was trying to do a guestimation of my age.

And of course, the what-did- you-study question shortly followed. Per usual, I stated English.

The nurse suggested I enroll in a nursing program to obtain a nurse certificate in a year, I thanked him with a half enthusiastic smile which read: thanks for trying to look out for my future, but I‘m good. No matter what you say won’t change my mind about my aspiration. Yes, I agree my process is slow maybe slower than others but who’s to say that or prove it. I‘m only walking in my size 7/ 7.5 shoes. I voiced my respectful decline, assuring him graduate school is part of my educational plan.  Yet, he insisted nursing is a high-demand job and of course my mom who’s a nurse sided with him, notifying him that she’s tried to convince me to do nursing. Being the stubborn individual I am, I became annoyed and rightfully defended my aspirations to show them I stood firm by my decision.

First of all, I would like to understand who the hell gave complete strangers the authority or the impression that it’s okay to dictate or try to deter someone from their passion. I get it, Yolee, you don’t have to take everything so serious and passion doesn’t always garner money, pay the bills or put food on the table. In the same instance, I know myself pretty well to know what is compatible for me.  If one thing doesn’t work then I can try something else. I remind myself of my current age, realizing that I don’t have all the time in the world to decide between what I want or don’t want to do.  Everyday I feel the pressure of time catching up on me and my biggest fear is ending up in a blue collar job- living paycheck to paycheck, clocking in, settling for benefits, scheduled days off and yearly vacations.

My Dad chimes in reminding me that time is passing and I need to find something.  I’m not going to lie, I was a little hurt by his comment becuase unlike my mom he’s always supported my career decision His comment made me feel like I’m not even trying to alter or improve my current state. I want so much for myself and yes, occasionally I wake up angry with myself for not being where I’d like to be.

So what’s the Rush?

The rush is to align myself in a financially stable career, secure my future and prove to my parents that it’s possible for this dreamer to achieve the goals I’ve set. I’m not just a dreamer with unrealistic career aspirations, I know I have the drive to transform my dreams into realities.  Yea..I’m far-fetched, my head is in the clouds, but I trust myself and God/ the power of the universe, timing is everything.

We weren’t capable of planning our own births, so then tell me who has the power to control the timing of our success?

Questions to my readers/ blog supporters: Have you ever felt pressure from external sources to be something you don’t want to become? How did you overcome this situation?

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