Butterfly Effect: Unexpected and unexplained occurrences

Today, I decided to take on the Butterfly effect challenge posted via The Daily Post. I never really understood the meaning of the Butterfly effect neither had I ever really put much thought into it. After reading one of the stories posted by a fellow blogger, I decided to share one of my own personal life experiences. So here it goes:

On August 20, 2014 I received a text from my cousin. She asked me if I was still going to accompany her  on her journey to one of the biggest and highly anticipated moments in her life, the start of College. Of course, I said sure. I knew how much it meant to her to finally go off on her own, after all I was once in her shoes. Back in ’11 when I began my new journey into Independence and adulthood, I was just as eager as she was. I was lucky enough to have my brothers and my mom send me off into the college world. My cousin and I have always been close so I felt honored when she  asked me to join her. Although I wanted to go I felt this strange feeling in the pit of my gut. That night I set my clothes out, comfortable traveling attire, hat, leggings, t-shirt, hoodie, and nikes. During my time as a college student, I’ve become all too familiar with the traveling lifestyle of a college student. I set my alarm for 6 am.

The morning of August 21, 2014, I was woken by my alarm.I checked my phone, I saw I had not  received any text messages from my cousin. However, I still kept my word. I brushed my teeth, took a shower, and got dressed. During this process my mother questioned me (as always) and I told her Aliesha (my cousin) asked me to join her on her 6-hour trip to school. My mother wasn’t pleased about this at all. As always, I prepared myself for the lecture and her angered looks. Don’t get it twisted people, my mom loves my cousin. I just think for some strange reason she had a nervous feeling. A mother’s intuition is usually spot on. In my usual efforts to prove her wrong, I assured her i would  be alright. There was no need for her worry, but of course my little  words of encouragement didn’t work. I told her I would call her when we arrived at the campus, hugged her, and left the apartment.

Now my mom’s superstitious feelings began to rub me the wrong way.Although I wanted to go, there was a small feeling in my gut that wasn’t too up for the ride. I wasn’t sure what it was or why I even had such a slight feeling. Maybe it was my intuition. Anyhow, I ignored this strange feeling and just brushed any negative thoughts off. I walked down to Aiiesha’s apartment, which took me less than 5 minutes, since she lives in a 2 block proximity to me. Funny, huh? We live so close to one another.  She packed the rest of the suitcases and her necessities in the car. The driver, Aliesha’s mother’s friend and I introduced our selves. Then shortly after all four of us women began our journey.

I was up for about 2 hours of the ride, but after we made a pit stop for gas. I drank some juice my cousin bought and fell into a deep sleep.

I woke up in the hospital, where I was surrounded by my family. I remember being woken by the sound of my father’s voice. I was heavily sedated so I was fortunate not to have felt the actual extreme pain I had acquired during the car accident. To me, I felt normal, but by the sight of everyone else’s face I had not looked the way I envisioned or felt. I asked about my cousins and the driver. I was told they were all doing well, but badly injured.

I was the only asleep. Therefore, I have no factual details on what or how this accident occurred,

For weeks, I was bed ridden.  Thankfully, I was able to move my toes. So that meant I was able to walk and possibly still able to DANCE. I had not suffered any trauma to my feet, abdomen, arms or neck. I felt very weak. I believe this was the weakest I had ever felt in my life. I later came to discover I suffered major head and facial injuries. I received facial fractures that damaged the right side of my face. My cheekbone was dislocated. The bones around my eyes and on my forehead had been crushed. This affected my right eye and caused it to be closed. Imagine not being able to see for weeks. It was horrible. You’re probably wondering, what happened to the left side of your face? It was great, a little swollen but nonetheless still perfectly functioning. The only issue I have, is that my left eye is much weaker than my right, Therefore, if my right eye isn’t functioning then my sight will not be at its full potential.

I was devastated but still thankful to be alive. I thanked God and still continue to show my gratitude for him sparing my life until this day. Unfortunately the other driver, who was a man had perished. God bless his soul.

During that low point and difficult time in my life, I realized who is really there for me. I know that I am loved by these people who didn’t hesitate to come to my side. I constantly question why did this happen? what have we done to deserve this? What if I had listened?

The Butterfly effect: Maybe if I had listened to my mom. I would be at Daemen, almost completing my journey as a fourth year college student. I would’ve went back on my word to my cousin, she would’ve been temporarily angry but far long forgiven me for it. Maybe if I had listened to my mom, I would be interning, stressing at school, and living my normal life. I hide myself away from the world, just to avoid glares, disgusting stares, and pitiful questions. I want and need time to heal.  For the past 2 months, i  haven’t had much social interaction with the outside world.

A wise source told me maybe this is your time to rest and just relax from the stress of school. You are always busy and overwhelming yourself at school with academics, clubs, family, and social life. This is your time to just take it easy, School will always be there and there are people supporting you. Throughout my journey on the road to recovery I am learning to do so many things. I have time to do anything. i am learning to re-build my physical strength, improve my vocabulary by reading and writing. I do these activities because I desire to as opposed to an academic obligation. I blog frequently, which is something I’ve always wanted to dedicate myself to. I read the bible. I research topics and ideas I am inquisitive to gain knowledge on. I am learning and teaching my self.

I have to rebuild myself (According to my friend Lonje) for the re-up, the comeback. I am determined to be better than before. Self growth, strength (physical, emotional, mental), self worth, love, less fear, and appreciation.  I will not give up because God and the people I love have not forsaken me. Each day is different but I am still recovering. I have yet to reach my full potential. I am beginning to see this unfortunate event as something positive.